Self Development : Focus on YOU

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Okay. It happened.

The “New Year, New Me” thing happened. In January, I was set on getting back into the gym and back into shape. I was pumped. I was motivated. Did it happen?

OF COURSE NOT!

It is now summer and I can count the number of times I have been to the gym on one hand. For real, it is that pathetic. I have made every excuse known to man to why I cannot go:

  1. I don’t feel good
  2. I am tired
  3. I will go tomorrow
  4. My bag is ALL the way in my car… WAY too far to go get!

The list goes on.

I have come to realize that there will always be an excuse to NOT go to the gym. I realize I am lacking motivation. I have all these excuses and really no true motivations. I started to follow fitness accounts on Instagram thinking this would give me some motivation to get my ass into the gym. Has it worked?

OF COURSE NOT!

No, I am just getting depressed looking at my ROLLS and just comparing myself to these people. But, I am not these people. The motivation has to come from within. What motivates them, might not necessarily motivate me. I have to find my spark; my fire. I have to feed my mind and soul first, before I feed my body. I have to work on my self development and not search for this in others!

One of the “non-negotiables” with my business is – Self Development. And this is one of the main reasons I joined with the business!

Self Development is so important! I honestly never realized how important it is. You have to work on Y O U to be successful in anything that you do. You have to change your mindset to be more positive. You have to check in on your mind and soul – nurturing it. When you believe in yourself, everything will simply just fall in line. 

When I begin to focus on myself and what makes M E happy – I became happier. Wow, right? So simple. But you have to work on your self development daily. It can be as simple as getting up early to read your book for 15 minutes before starting your day. It can be taking the long way home just to listen to a few more songs before you end your day. Just any little thing that will make you H A P P Y.

Self development is a lifelong process and should never stop. You should always be in competition with yourself. How can you be better? How can you be successful? How can you be happier, positive and more full of life?

 

 

 

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His Name is Earl

We all are fearful of things. Some fears are rational while others are completely irrational. There are so many phobias in this world and some phobias I find to be absolutely ridiculous and funny.

Take Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia for an example. What is this fear? The fear of hippos? NOPE. Ironically, this word is the longest in the dictionary and is the name for the fear of long words. Yup, you read that right — fear of long words and the LONGEST word. What you call the phobia for people being afraid of long words is exactly what they are afraid of.. a long word. The irony.

I have fears. I have phobias. I do not like heights, but I would not say I have a phobia of it. I do not freak out when too close to the edge or high up like someone who has the phobia, but I do not necessarily like it. I have no desire to sky dive and if I do not HAVE to be on a ladder… well, I will not be getting on it.

A phobia I DO have and it is really irrational (I know)… I am a coulrophobic. Yep, clowns. Scary. Creepy. Not funny. Up to no good. Clowns. I have to close my eyes or turn my head when a clown appears in books, tv and movies. I literally run the other way when I encounter one out in the wild. I never was traumatized by a clown, however, my mom holding me next to a clown when I was a child screaming my head off would tell you otherwise.

Another fear and might be a slight phobia depending on how big, hairy and does it jump? –Arachnophobia.

Spiders: 8 legs of creepiness, 8 tiny eyes to pierce your soul, and too quick for my liking. I would not say I am fully arachnophobic, but have an intense dislike for spiders. I will run from them. I will scream for Lalo to come smash them. Growing up my mom would gather the spiders and put them outside instead of killing them.. all I could think was “GREAT mom, you are putting them outside to breed and come back INside”. She would always tell me that they are more scared of you than you are of them… well, I think that is debatable. I also do not care if the other spiders see you smash this one either Sir, I think it is a good warning for them to stay in their lane if you ask me.

Enter into my life….

Earl.

The cutest, most tiniest spider you have EVER seen. He made his penthouse in the window in the bathroom. He would weave elaborate webs. He would “catch” ants. He would keep to himself, mind his OWN business, so he was allowed to stay in his beautiful penthouse.

This spider was CLEARLY a sweet innocent little baby when he first appeared in our bathroom. OH, how he has grown! His web is huge and even trying to acquire more real estate by branching his web onto our shampoo and conditioner bottles. This was promptly denied and clearly had to remind Earl to stay in his corner!! He has gotten so big (and slightly creepy) now. He is catching mosquito eaters and for some reason LOVES to spread himself out in his web juuussstt right so the sun hits him which makes him look even bigger and scarier.

I have joked with Lalo that it is time for Earl’s eviction. But I am firm that I do not want to kill him. In an odd way he is like a pet at this point. LOL  Both the boys know about Earl and just leave him alone. I think he is high enough that they do not really even see him at all which helps with them being scared of him.

A few days ago, Max was in the shower. He had been in there for while. All of a sudden he starts yelling “Cara! Cara! Come Here!”. I thought hmmmm I wonder why he is calling for me, probably wanting to show me something. Max tends to call me into the bathroom multiple times to show me his face covered in bubbles, his boat floating, and how long he can hold his breath under water. I thought this must be the reason why he was calling for me. Oh, was I wrong!

He starts to point at our shelves where we have all of our shower necessities. He tells me “there is a HUUUGGGEE spider! Kill it!” I look and sure enough there is a really big spider crawling frantically around trying to hide. For a split second  I thought, why didn’t you call your father for this emergency since I heavily DISLIKE spiders; but then jump into Mom Mode to rescue my sweet child from this monster!

I get some toilet paper and then realize.. um, okay, REAALLLYY are you going to try to capture this thing?!?! So, of course like any good Mom raising boys to be men, I gave the toilet paper to Max and told him to smash the spider.  He looks at me like I have completely lost my mind. I laugh and take the toilet paper back and go for the shower intruder. I knock the spider off the shelving and it goes into the tub. Max screams. I tell him to wash it down the drain. He, again, looks at me like I am a mad woman. So I grab MORE toilet paper and pick up the spider to throw it into the toilet.

As Max and I are fighting off this gigantic monster, Jayden comes RUNNING into the bathroom. He is yelling “Noooooo! Did you kill Gerald?!”

Both Max and I looked at Jayden confused. WHO IS GERALD?!!!!

And then it hit me.

OMG.

Oh no.

DID WE JUST KILL EARL? 😦

Max and I instantly look up to the bathroom window and I swear both of us praying, wishing, hoping, to see Earl in his penthouse. He was THERE!

I do not think I have ever been so happy in my life to see a spider chilling in its web. 

The best part… after Max and I confirmed that we indeed had NOT killed our precious bathroom window buddy… we both turned to Jayden and said :

HIS NAME IS EARL.

 

 

Do I Dare?

I know  I have not posted in a LONG time. Now that I have connected my social media accounts to my blog there has been some added pressure to write all the time. Yet, that is not what this blog is meant for. It is meant for me to process and share my feelings and thoughts of old and new situations I have been apart of; in a sense it is a journal or diary. I am a huge OVER-THINKER.. like majorly. I have found writing has made it so I do not drive myself as crazy with all of my thoughts. It truly is writing therapy for me!

The bio or tag of my blog is Experiences, Hardships and Love. I write about experiences that I have had or occurring now. I write about the hardships I have faced or currently facing. I write about the things and people I love.

The thing is there are some things I want to write about, somethings I want to say. Some feelings or thoughts to get out of my head. But I am nervous. I am nervous that my words will be used against me. My words will result in drama and unnecessary problems. Thus, I have been very calculated in what I write about and how I write it; almost cryptic. I realized this is limiting myself and not why I started this blog in the first place.

You see, I am a step-mother. A step-parent in a situation where every single word or action of mine can be and will be manipulated and used.  There are already millions of false accusations and claims constantly that I feel my blog (thoughts and feelings) would be opening a door for more unnecessary troubles to come our way.

I have started to follow other blogs written by stepmothers. THEY ARE INSPIRING! Some are funny. Some are sad. Some make me jealous of how easy going their situations are. Honestly, I do not think anyone would believe half of the shit that has happened since becoming a stepmom.. it is literally insane the lengths that baby mama will go to in order to “win”. It’s disgusting. These other blogs have shown me that you can still have your voice. More importantly, it is okay to have your voice. But….

I am still hesitant.

You can say, I am over the drama. Over the problems. So, why create more?

That is it! It is not creating more. No matter what there will ALWAYS be drama. There will ALWAYS be problems. There will ALWAYS be things being said. There will ALWAYS be issues with me. I feel I have to be able to process the insanity that happens and what better way than writing about.

But… is it worth it?

So, do I dare?

Comment and let me know what you think.

 

 

Innocently Intimate

Holding hands is innocently intimate. This simple touch expresses so much.

Care. Comfort. Protection.

Love ❤️

You hold hands with your significant other, your children, your family and your friends. It’s a connection everyone has felt. The comfort of your friend’s hand. The protection of your parent’s hand while crossing the street. Holding your crushes hand for the first time when you were younger.

Holding hands can have many meanings depending on the pairing. But in all forms, it simply means the pair is together in some fashion. The clasp of two hands shows the world that you two are connected, bonded. And the simple holding of the other’s hand expresses so much to them.

You feel ease.

I absolutely love holding hands. Lalo and I hold hands often. We hold hands watching movies, walking downtown, and all the usual places couples would hold hands. But, my favorite place we hold hands is in bed.

Now, don’t stop reading and think “oh god!”. It is not like that, so calm down.

We hold hands and fall asleep!

It is cute. It is loving.

I feel protected. Safe and secure. It is a consistent assurance to each other that after a long day or any obstacle, I love him and he loves me.

Holding hands is such a simple act of affection, yet means so much.

It is innocently intimate.

Love Headache

If you know me, then you know there are times that I say dumb shit. It is as if I do not even think before I speak and just blurt out whatever I am thinking.

Actually? THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS! 🤷‍♀️

The thing is though, I know what I just said to you did not make any sense, lacked common sense and more than likely can be considered idiotic.

I do this often.

I cannot help it.

It is not like it is done on purpose and in no way makes me a dumb person. I just have dumb moments – blonde moments some would say. Moments when common sense has completely left my entire being. Moments that my thought(s) sneak out of my mouth before my brain can tell me STOP🛑! No! Don’t say that!

Lalo and I joke that we could make millions off of all the dumb shit I say. He constantly says how he needs to be writing all these down. Capturing these hilarious scatter brained treasures. We have discussed compiling them into a book one day. He has even thought how it would make for some great content for his stand up comedy skits. He says I give him “love headaches” with these nuggets of pure brilliance of mine. I think.. hey, that could be a great book title.

We could be on to something here!!


Let me give you the most recent Love Headache moment:

We have an Amazon Fire-stick. We have had this Amazon Fire-stick for an extremely long time. We use it everyday. It had appeared to be broken as it no longer would load on any of our TVs. Black. Just a black screen would appear. We tried everything possible that could be preventing it from working. We tried new cords. We tried different HDMI ports. We even tried the turn it off and back on method (we ALL do this). But we had no luck in getting it working again. Eventually, Lalo tells me “we should just get a new one”…..my response to him completely serious and while grabbing my phone to search was:

I wonder if we can get it on Amazon. I will look!

Yup. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I said that. I said that out loud, like to another person.

Lalo just looked at me with the “is this bitch serious?” look. The look of utter disbelief in what I just said to him.

At first, I wasn’t sure why he was looking at me in that way until he said….

Yea Babe, I wonder if we can get the AMAZON fire-stick on AMAZON.

And then I realized that I just had a moment. The speak before you think moment. The really she just said that moment.

A love headache emergence.


These moments are funny. These moments drive Lalo bonkers at times. They are gems. These moments are not on purpose and free-spoken. They just happen naturally; trust me, sometimes when you do not want to be portrayed as foolish at all like work. These moments ARE dumb, but I am not. I just have ditzy moments that happen to be comical and give my husband love headaches. 🙌🏼

We can both laugh about it now; but hey, you never know we may have a New York Times Best Seller or on Netflix in our future!

All because of the dumb shit I say. 🙃

Me Time

Busy.

Busy, is usually my life. The constant hustle and bustle of a full time job and a family. There is little time for myself. My job consists of supporting two executives and their teams who are both extremely busy, thus no time for myself there. My home life has two growing boys that crave and need my attention, so little to no time to focus on myself there. Up until last year I was a full time student going towards my bachelors degree (yay! I graduated 👩‍🎓)…anyone in school KNOWS there is absolutely no time for yourself there either.

Me Time. It seems like a thing that should be so easy to obtain. Simple. Something that should happen quite often. But it doesn’t.

Me Time. It is so important for your overall well-being.

Me Time. It is a way for someone to escape their usual chaos of a life. To relax. To breathe. To regroup.

Everyone gets caught up in the whirlwind they call their life. They keep pushing along and mastering their lives; be it an influential executive, stay at home mom, or a student. They got their life DOWN. But what about them? Like really them.

Their mind. Their body. Their soul.

Their ME TIME.

Do they take the time for themselves? Do they simply just stop for even a few seconds to check on themselves? To go get their nails done. Read a book. Take a solo walk on the beach. Do whatever it is they enjoy.

Most of the time, the answer is no.

There are so many reasons and excuses to why there is no time. No time to stop. No time to check in with yourself. To make sure you are still YOU. To make sure YOU are happy and not just everyone else around you.

TO BREATHE.

I am just as guilty of this. I know how important me time is; yet, I still do very little of it.

Writing has become a Me Time.

I can get lost in words. I can express my feelings. I can check in with my mind. I can reflect. I can focus on me. I write because I enjoy it. It isn’t for anyone else. It is for me.

Whatever your me time is.. DO IT!

Trust me: your mind, body and soul does appreciate it. This time is essential in everyone’s chaotic life. This time comes in any form that works best for your lifestyle. This time is for YOU. This time is for you to stop 🛑

To breathe.

You’re My Person

Almost four years ago, I made a major decision in my life.

This decision changed my entire life.

Many would call me crazy for my decision and others would completely understand it.

I had been with someone who had life all figured out. A great paying job, the house on the hill, the fast cars and the ability to give me anything and everything I could ever ask for. I was set for life! My life was literally straight out of the movies. I was very well taken care of financially and lived with no stresses or worries at all. Many would have thought “Wow, this girl has hit the jackpot!”. And honestly, it felt like that at times. I was apart of the Real Housewives of Burlingame. The up and coming new generation of wealthy for that area. I would go on shopping sprees, out to dinner most nights, and frequently visited the cabin he owned. We would go on vacations to Cabo over Christmas, Hawaii over Thanksgiving and multiple cruises all over the place. We would go to concerts and festivals numerous times a year. We were always planning our next big adventure.

Then….

True love came (back) into the picture.

There was absolutely nothing I could do about it. This person was my biggest crush in high school. This person was the person it feels like I have been in love with all my life. 

This is the person I know I am suppose to be with.

And knew it back then. Back when we were young at school meeting in between classes to give each other our cute letters we wrote for each other. We flirted. We made out a few times. We would dance with each other at dances. I would go to his wrestling matches and he would come to my water polo games. But we never dated. We were just friends; yet clearly there was an intense attraction for one another.

We reconnected one weekend up in Chico, CA. I went with my best friend to visit a friend and I wasn’t even expecting him to be coming up as well. I guess that is just how destiny works.

After that trip, we spoke all day every day. I went back to my life in SF and he went back to his in Ventura, but we both were always planning the next trip we were going on or next time we would be seeing each other. At first, Lalo and I were strictly just friends, no more like best friends. But the sexual tension and desire we had for each other was undeniable. Everyone around us knew and saw the clear attraction we had. We were in sync and often would think the same things at the exact same time. We would constantly be telling each other to “get out of my head!” and laugh. It was like we were the same person at times. Or I was the female version of him and him the male version of me. Our friendship was EFFORTLESS. But I was with someone else and, let’s just say, he had “complications”.

So we were besties for a few years. Our relationship just grew and grew. We became closer and closer. Until one day, I built up enough courage to tell him I liked him, like really liked him. I was nervous. I ran the risk of losing or making things weird with my best friend and true love.

HE LIKED ME TOO!

And that was that. There was no question we were going to be together. This is true love. We are soulmates. We always have been; we just lost each other for a while.

Almost four years ago, I left what many would say is the ideal life. The white picket fence. Financial stability. Stress-free. I left that all behind knowing my life would be vastly different. I would become a stepmom. I would have no job. I would have no place to live for a while. Many thought I had lost my mind and maybe I did, but I still had my heart and it was following true love. The type of love that, to me, only comes once in a lifetime. The type of love that my SOUL would have been searching for forever.

I left my ex. I packed up my things and stuffed as much as I could into my Lexus ES300. I quit my job. And for a few months, I lived out of my car until I could get up to Chico. Well, I didn’t technically live in my car because I would travel all over California staying at friends and family’s houses. I was a GYPSY.

I was terrified.. was I making the right decision?

It has not been easy. And there are days that I feel like I didn’t make the right decision. But I think that is normal and understandable in my situation. It gets tough. I have more responsibilities. A family who depends on me. I have less (materialistically speaking) and do not have any of the luxuries I had years ago.

That lifestyle is gone. Do I miss it? Sure.

However, I gained so much with that leap of faith I dove head first into. If I didn’t make this decision and choose the way I did, I truly believe I would have been restless. Not 💯. Not complete. I would have been searching.. running. There are some connections in this world that are inevitable. Some that just cannot be ignored. There are people who are made for each other. People who are meant to be together. They are destined to find each other no matter what path they are on. Their souls long for each other. They just know.

Just know that, THAT is their person.